


To the Batmobile, Away!

by Tyleet



Category: Angel: the Series, Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Crossover, M/M, casual ableist language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-18
Updated: 2009-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 13:14:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyleet/pseuds/Tyleet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike strides onto Gotham's vigilante scene like he's been there forever, blonde, British, and claiming to be from another dimension that went screwy after an apocalypse gone wrong. Bruce shouldn't trust him as far as he could throw him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To the Batmobile, Away!

 

Spike strides onto Gotham's vigilante scene like he's been there forever, blonde, British, and claiming to be from another dimension that went screwy after an apocalypse gone wrong. Bruce shouldn't trust him as far as he could throw him.

What he can't quite figure out is why he _does_, despite the time he caught Spike stealing blood from the butcher's in the Narrows ("Well it's not like LA, is it? They wouldn't just _sell _it to me, would they?) Or the time he met Spike in the street on an overcast day and he started to sizzle (and then snatched Bruce's umbrella right out of his hand,) or the time he went to visit his parents and found Spike strolling through the headstones with the air of someone looking for a street brawl ("Your parents dead, then? Sorry to hear it. Only I bet your _mum_ didn't ever hit on you. Now that was rough.")

There's just something—trustworthy about the way Spike looks at him, Bruce decides in a rare moment of irrationalism. After Spike butts in on his patrol for approximately the millionth time and ends up stealing the motorcycle _again_, Bruce tells him gloweringly that he may as well come along next time. ("Great! Oh, er. Got a bit of a confession to make. This'll probably come as a shock, but I'm—" "—a vampire. Get in the damn Tumbler." "You really are a detective, aren't you, _Bruce_?")

*

"Do you always fight people this hot?" Spike asks in awed tones.

"The Harlequin?" Bruce asks, unsettled. He looks over to the patrol car, where Harley is being forced back into her straitjacket, shrieking with laughter. "She's a madwoman."

"Well it takes all sorts, doesn't it," Spike snaps defensively. "She has got some stunning bone structure on her. Plus she's all…with the gymnastic, and the blonde, you know? _Don't_ tell me you haven't noticed."

"I don't _hit on murderers_, Spike," Bruce growls.

"Sure you do," the vampire says easily. "There's the dominatrix whose whip you stole—"

"_Catwoman,_" Bruce interjects. "And I was neutralizing a potential threat."

"Right. So that wasn't you copping a feel down her mylar blouse. Must've been your evil twin," Spike laughs.

"She's been known to _hide weapons there_," Bruce says angrily.

"Then there's the guy with no face—"

"_Two _Face," Bruce bites off.

"—who you told you would pound into the cement."

"In a violent way!"

"My point exactly," smirks Spike, and continues counting off on his fingers. "And the guy with the blowjob lips—"

"Scarecrow," Bruce says scornfully. "A pervert I would never in a million _years_—"

"Ah! But you know who I'm talking about," Spike says triumphantly. "And I'm not even going to get into the sexual tension you've got with Clownface Boy. Stakes would bounce off it. Honestly, mate, I felt uncomfortable. So that's five."

A hand slams into the brick beside Spike's head. "You're pushing it," Bruce snarls very close to his ear.  
Spike flexes his tongue against the back of his teeth. "Well, _yeah_," he says. "'S what I do."

"And your math's wrong," Bruce points out, and resolutely doesn't stare at the flash of pink.

Spike smiles. "Did I say five?" He tilts his chin up with just the hint of a challenge, and licks his lips slowly. "My mistake."

Bruce slams him into the wall, and he laughs giddily. The sound is abruptly cut off when Bruce crushes their mouths together, but it quickly morphs into a series of moans.

"So you're a murderer," Bruce says when he comes up for air, then bites down on Spike's plush lower lip.

"I got better," Spike manages, and nips happily at Bruce's jaw. "White hats and black capes all the way. Long live Adam West."

*

They fuck everywhere. They fuck on the roof of Wayne Enterprises after patrol (thank god Bruce knows the security camera's blindspots, or else they would have given Fox a show.) They fuck in the cave after stitching each other up (thank god Alfred and Spike bonded over Manchester United, or that could have been even _more_ awkward.) They fuck in the Tumbler in the middle of a high speed chase (all Bruce can say is thank god for automatic controls.) After a while it starts to become familiar, and they fuck in Bruce's penthouse bed. When they wake up next to each other Bruce tries an awkward 'this isn't a relationship' speech out while Spike happily mixes the mug o' blood Alfred leaves for him with Bruce's orange juice ("Save me the song and dance and smoke a bloody fag, all right, it's the done thing.")

They fuck in dirty alleyways after breaking up drug deals and are caught by the Joker, who thinks it's _hilarious._

"Holy _spaghetti monster_, batcakes! I guess you aren't, uh, as _Republican_ as you _look._."

The Joker almost loses them in the ensuing chase across the rooftops, but then Spike yells "Quickly, to the Batmobile, away!" and the clown actually falls over laughing.

Spike makes the call to the GPD while Batman deals with the Joker.

"So, be _honest_," the Joker smirks over his shoulder as Batman manhandles him into handcuffs, "He got you because of the, uh, _tongue thing_, right?"

"Shut up, clown," Bruce snarls by rote, and thinks about Spike's tongue on the backs of his teeth while the Joker licks his scars and gasps with amusement.

*

Spike is never quiet during sex. Actually, Spike is never quiet, but during sex he's a blonde dervish of moans and yowls and filthy encouragements and gasps. Half the time Bruce finds it fascinating, the way the vampire abandons himself in the act the same way he loses himself fighting—as if there were no greater pleasure in the world. The other half of the time he just finds it annoying.

"Yeah, _yeah_, oh, come on luv, come on you, you stunning black clad hunk of a knight-thing, you great_ bat_, god, you're fucking beautiful," Spike babbles, clutching desperately at Bruce's hair. A swirl of Bruce's tongue and he pulls a little too hard, so Bruce growls softly.

Spike lets out a gorgeous whining gasp. Bruce narrows his eyes wickedly and releases him, chuckling as Spike turns to frantic pleas and threats. "Don't you dare, get back, bastard, I'll, I, _oh please_, drink from your brain stem, please, _please,_ you fucker I'm fucking telling y—"

"You talk too much," Bruce comments, and stops his mouth. Spike moans and spreads his legs wide. Bruce kisses him thoroughly, but keeps their lower bodies apart until Spike is writhing underneath him, gulping in air like he's forgotten he doesn't need it.

Then he rams in, fast and hard, and Spike screams in delight, wrapping his legs around Bruce's waist, fingers fisted in the sheets.

Just before he comes, Spike's eyes widen almost comically, and he lets out a surprised giggle before throwing his head back and howling. This is what sends Bruce over the edge.

They lie panting together afterwards, still connected.

"And _that_," says Spike sleepily, tucking his head into Bruce's collarbone, "is why cavemen will always win. You great brute."

"What are you talking about," Bruce murmurs with drowsy suspicion, closing his eyes. He opens them again when Spike stiffens in his arms.

Spike is looking straight at him, eyes a piercing blue even in the dark, and for a split second Bruce remembers he is lying in the arms of something terribly old. Something not of Bruce's world. Not even human.

A strange smile flashes across Spike's face. "Cavemen," he says with an air of the elegiac, "versus astronauts. Who would win?"

Bruce frowns. "Do the astronauts have weapons?" he asks finally.

*

Once, Spike puts on lipstick and tries to give Bruce a blow job. Bruce shoves him away, and knowingly Spike reaches up and smears it over both his cheeks, dragging his tongue over the upper lip in a move both thrillingly alien and achingly Spike.

"I don't want—" he rasps as Spike sucks him down, leaving harlot red lipstick stains on his lower abdomen, on the base of his cock, on his balls.

"He's--_not_ who I want," Bruce finally forces past his parched throat, fingers tightening in platinum blonde hair.

Spike raises one scarred eyebrow, and very deliberately laughs around his mouthful. The sound is silly, parodic, nothing like—_him_. Bruce still comes like a freight train.

*

Once, in the middle of Spike's litany of _pleases_ and _mores_, he squeezes his eyes shut and yells "Yes, yes, god,_ angel_!"

Bruce has no idea why he looks so embarrassed afterwards.

*

When Spike finally finds a way to get back to his own dimension, Bruce is almost sure he's relieved.

"Well, looks like this is sayonara," he drawls, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his stupid Matrix coat. "I got a girl and a grandsire be happy to see me. I think."

"Spike," says Bruce in Batman's voice. "Watch your back."

"You too," Spike says, and takes a step towards the portal. "Ah, fuck it," he says, and moves to turn around, but Bruce is already yanking him back.

This last kiss is melting and biting and passion, is tongues and smirks and growling mouths and bodies thrusting together in the night-time, is completely caveman if cavemen could fuck on the moon. His gloved hands stroke over Spike's cut glass cheekbones, and Spike hangs onto the cowl's ears for dear life.

They break away when Bruce needs air, though Spike stays close for a second, looking at him intently.

"They can change, you know," he says with a crooked smile. "With enough deus ex machina in the mix. I did."

"Fuck off, vampire."

And with a roguish wink and a two fingered salute, Spike does. The portal vanishes as soon as he steps through.

Batman is left alone on the rooftop, staring out at his city.

Come on, Batsy, Gotham croons to him. You know where you belong. Here, in the dark. With me.

There is laughter on the wind.


End file.
